you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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