i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
