it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
