She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
