am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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