yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
