I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
