Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
