And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
