What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
