My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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