I just pynch a tree in the face
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
