I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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