My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
