for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
