Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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