I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
