She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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