Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
