I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
