Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
