I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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