My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
