can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
