I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
