I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
