If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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