I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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