the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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