and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
