whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
