Soap is not a condiment
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
