It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
