While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
