The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
