I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
