so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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