the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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