I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
