There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
