I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
