True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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