He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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