11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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