Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
