Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
