Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
