Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
