You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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