Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
