Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
